you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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