I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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