She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
