I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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