this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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