i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
