I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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