yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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