booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
