I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
