god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
