Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
