we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
