Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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