Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
