My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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