The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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