i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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