Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
