Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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