I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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