I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
