Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
