I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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