listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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