I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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