you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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