Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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