He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
