I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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