I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
