kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
