Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
