it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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