i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
