His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
