New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
