Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
