How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
