I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
