he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
