im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
