just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
