3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
