yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
