I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
