we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
