its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
