I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
