I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
