forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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