hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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