she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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