fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do vagina's smell?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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