a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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