Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
