btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
