She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
