I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
