At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
