I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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